Dinner With Voldie and the Escape of the Spies
by wannabewitch610
Summary: There are spies within Voldemort circle. How does Voldemort solve the problem? By sitting down to dinner of course! With Special guest appearances from Tokns, Auror Shacklesbolt, and...Sirius Black! PreHBP
1. Hmm, Dinner

**Dinner With Voldie and the Escape of the Spies**

Kingsley Shackebolt walked in the dark, dusty kitchen, looking for the maid. She was dressed in a maid's uniform with shoulder length brown hair and violet eyes. The Signal! It was the other spy in Voldemort's ranks, Nymphadora Tonks.

"What are you doing here?" asked Kingsley. "Dumbledore specifically said the only spies to be in here tonight were the One and Snape."

"I found a good job in here. I'm the cook. Damn good one at that too apparently. All I make is chocolate pancakes with caramel in the middle. But they all seem to like it. Anyway, if that's what Dumbledore said, then what are you doing here?" answered Tonks.

Kingsley chuckled.

"Dumbledore had a feeling someone was a tad too eager to stay within the ranks for the night for information. So, he sent me along to make sure you get out and get out safely."

"Humph. Well I hope you have a good plan because I don't see how you are going to get me out of here. I have to serve the 'dinner' and then I have to clear the dishes it away. There's simply no way that I'm going to allowed to leave."

"Don't be too sure about yourself. I'll get you out. Hakuna Matata-" Kingsley began to sing at this point- "What a wonderful phrase. Hakuna Matata. Ain't no passin craze. It means no worries for the rest of your daysssss. It's our problem freeeee, Philosophyyyyyy. Hakuna Matata."

"Very funny, Shacklebolt."

Tonks walked in slowly, carrying the heavy plate full of chocolate pancakes with caramel filling. She then carefully placed the plate full of food in front of Voldemort himself and bowed low.

"My lord, here is your supper." She whispered, making sure to act like all of Voldemort's other servants, anxiously trembling.

"Is the food to your liking, my lord?"

"Yes that will be all, Alice. Shacklebolt has informed me that the fool that calls himself a Minister, Fudge desires a new maid. You will follow Shacklebolt and be that maid and report back to me all the goings on of the Ministry of Magic and Fudge," ordered Voldemort in his high cold voice, thought oddly enough, it seemed that he was actually trying to sound somewhat nice or at least nicer than he spoke to his Death Eaters.

Tonks allowed tears to gather in her eyes.

"Must I go Master? Who will serve your food if I am gone?"

"The house elf, Kreacher. Now go before I am forced to punish you for questioning my judgment," replied Voldemort.

"Yes, my lord of course," Tonks meekly replied.

And with that, the so-called maid backed up out of the room while bowed low in the perfect imitation of respect for the man who murders innocent people with no remorse.

**Later that night...Still during the same supper.**

"Rosier, do you any report for me on the spies within our own ranks?" asked Voldemort coldly. Rosier trembled and replied.

"No, Master. I am sorry, but our spy is quite clever and I admit I am having difficulty determining who our spy is."

"Remember, Frederick, you have only two days before you are forced to suffer the same punishment as the spy. It is only just."

"Yes, my lord, of course," nervously replied Rosier.

Just then, Lucius Malfoy leaned over to Voldemort and said, "My lord, I think I know who the spy is."

"Do tell."

"Frederick Rosier."

"Hmm. We will see. Go get the Muggle dressing."

Malfoy positively guffawed in pleasure and tripped in his excitement to get the Muggle dressing. "Yes, my lord, of course." And all but sprinted out of the room to do as his Master bidding like a dog running after the bone his master tossed.

A few minutes later, Malfoy came back in the room, grinning like a hyena.

"My loyal Death Eaters, I have a treat!" said Voldemort cheerfully, or as cheerful as a man who enjoys seeing dementors Kiss people can get.

Murmuring instantly broke out among the Death Eaters.

"Muggle dressing!" said Voldemort. Cheers immediately broke out from all over the room. Muggle dressing was in all actuality the blood of Muggles tortured and murdered, which Voldemort used to declare all his true loyal Death Eaters, for he believed that if a person was sick enough to eat Muggle blood as if it were truly dressing, then they were in fact a true Death Eater. For a true Death Eater could feel no sympathy for those killed, only intense hate and need to utterly annihilate the disfiguring things in the world.

All the Death Eaters scrambled to get their hands on the "precious" Muggle dressing, to prove their loyalty to their lord. All except one, Frederick Rosier.

"Why, Frederick, I do not see you eating our precious Muggle dressing," said Voldemort almost gleefully.

Usually the man trembled when spoken to by Voldemort, but now Rosier confidently replied, "No."

"No?" asked Voldemort. "To refuse such a high and rare treat like Muggle dressing is to admit that you are no longer loyal to our cause and in effect no longer loyal to me."

"Well, you see Voldemort-"all the Death Eaters gasped, for no one said their master's name, with the few exceptions of Dumbledore, the Potter brat, and a few of the Dumbledore's lackeys -"It turns out that I was never one of your so-called _loyal_ Death Eaters. There is no Frederick Rosier, honored illegitimate son of the late Evan Rosier. Do you honestly think anyone would-or could-go so far with that toad of a man who no longer exists? I think not. You may now call me The Great Sirius Black. And yes the _the_ is required."

"You lie!" shrieked Bellatrix Lestrange. "He's dead! I killed him!"

"Well, dear cousin, it turns out I was alive when you sent me behind that accursed veil and so was able to escape, thanks to my pure heart and my dear friend, James Potter. You all remember him, don't you? The man who defied you three times and was murdered directly before your lord here was- er _released_ of his body," replied Sirius saucily.

Voldemort stood up and signaled for the suspense music to begin plying.

"Well now, you don't think that I'm going to let you just waltz out of here just like that and escape only to tell all of our wonderful plans to the worthless Muggle-lover, Dumbledore, do you?"

"Actually, that was in fact my plan," jeered Sirius.

Voldemort stared at the man before him in wonderment, before calling out to his Death Eaters.

"Attack!"

Sirius stood stock still for a moment before saying, "Do you honestly think that these ignoramuses' could trap me? I think not." And with that Sirius bolted.

**escape music begins to play now**

Dense people that they are, the Death Eaters were completely unexpecting such an escape and stood there a moment in shock before Voldemort shrieked, "Get him!" And the Death Eaters promptly proceeded in following their lord's orders and trampled out of the room as a unit.

Meanwhile, Sirius sprinted through to the dining room's door and fumbled with the next door before remembering that the door was a slide door. Just as Sirius remembered this, the Death Eaters, many of whom were still in shock at the new turn of events, scrambled out the dining room door and were advancing rapidly as Sirius escaped through the sliding door. Sirius then progressed and ran through the house with the Death Eaters quickly on his heels. Then he saw it! The door to the outside world!

He yanked open the door and sunlight streamed in the house. For a second the sunlight blinded all the Death Eaters and Sirius. And Sirius once again bolted out, just as two hands grabbed his robes, yanking him back. Sirius hung on to the door like his life depended on it, which, ironically, his life did depend on it. Antonin Dolohov held onto Sirius' robes, calling out, "I've got him! I've got him!"

And the other Death Eaters proceeded to walk up to the door as Barty Crouch Jr. tripped over his own robes and bumped the Death Eaters hands out of Sirius' robes. Thus allowing Sirius Black to escape the house and return to Dumbledore and the Order of the Phoenix.

"Who did that?" questioned Dolohov angrily. And nobody answered for nobody knew, except in fact for one Severus Snape under the alias of Barty Crouch, Jr.

**victory music plays**

**The End**

p.s. never worry, the sequel's coming soon! What will happen to The Great Sirius Black now that his cover has been blown and the world thinks of him as a dangerous serial killer? Find out next time in the next installment of _Dinner With Voldie and the Escape of the Spies_!


	2. Escape, Right?

**_Authors Note:_** after much prodding by certain people (who I have noticed are too lazy to review me) this story will continue. It will begin to be more serious. The focus will not be on just Harry or Sirius nor will it follow all of Harry's sixth year-at least that's not the plan, of course, I never intended on doing a followup to the first chapter of Dinner With Voldie and the Escape of the Spies. And so now I give to you Dinner Voldie and the Escape of the Spies, part 2!-not that you really care but its here

**Dinner With Voldie and the Escape of the Spies 2**

Sirius sprinted down the empty, dark street. He didn't dare stop for fear the Death Eaters would grow a brain and continue to hunt him down. About mile away, Sirius began to slow down. As he checked behind him, he saw that nobody was following him.

"Oh yeah! No eating here tonight! No, no, no eating here tonight! No eating here to night! You're on a diet it! " he yelled. He then proceeded to moonwalk down the dingy derelict street singing Billy Jean.

After rejoicing for a few minutes, it occurred to him that the Order would need to know that he had been found out. It was such a shame. He had just begun to do some real work for the Order. He was finally able to tell the overgrown bat called Severus Snape to go to hell. No, Sirius was not looking forward to telling the Order that he had been caught at all. Still, he apparated to the "Most Noble" House of Black.

**Meanwhile...Back in Voldemort's Lair...**

Barty Crouch sneered at Dolohov.

"You let him go?" he scornfully said. "After traipsing through the house, sprinting through the house trying to catch that fleabag, you let him go! I really can't believe you!" Suddenly Snape's face, or rather Crouch's face, lit up. This was his chance to prove himself again to the Dark Lord.

"You-"

"That's enough Barty," interrupted Voldemort. "Obviously, we have been betrayed, by no less one of those blood traitors. However, we shall take our revenge. I will immediately commence in preparing when and where our latest attack will occur. However, you all have not done your duty by me…"

The Death Eaters happy faces began do dim. They knew what was coming next.

"Crucio!" hissed Voldemort. The Death Eaters fell down one at a time screaming.

The torture ended abruptly, yet all too soon for Voldemort. "I do hope that in the future that a grievous mistake such as a spy in our midst, will no longer be an issue. Have a good night, my _faithful_ Death Eaters."

And with that Voldemort gleefully stepped out of the chamber, leaving the Death Eaters, wide-eyed with wonder with what could Voldemort possibly be planning in his dark, in more ways than one, mind.

**Back at the Ministry of Magic…**

Tonks followed Kingsley into the Minister of Magic's office as Alice. She had never been in Fudge's office and now that she was in, she wished she had never been.

There were whole walls filled with pictures of the incompetent minister. Pictures of Fudge with Dumbledore, of Fudge's inauguration as Minster of Magic, of his triumphal signing of the Educational Decrees, even of Fudge and Harry Potter posing together, which had obviously been created because there was no possible way that Harry had been with Fudge after the big battle in the Department of Mysteries.

"Oh hello Auror Shacklebolt," greeted Fudge.

"Hello Minister. I have brought you the new maid that you requested," said Kingsley. Kingsley prodded Tonks in the stomach.

"What'd you-oh right! Hello Minister Fudge. It's such an honor to meet you," said Tonks nonchalantly.

"Hello. Its very nice to meet you…eerr…" fumbled Fudge, who had just gotten a good look at Tonks. She was "normal" today with long ebony hair and cerulean blue eyes.

"Oh right," stuttered the young woman. Obviously sucking up to the pompous old man continued, "Name's McColl, Alice McColl. And I must say that I am quite happy to be serving you. I am sure we will get along very well."

Fudged puffed up with his own self importance. "Now, now, I hope you understand that as Minister of Magic, I will have very little time to train you into all that will be required of you." Turning to Kingsley, he said, "I assume that she is trained well enough and will only need to be acquainted with her surroundings."

"Of course," replied Kingsley. "Alice is very well versed in matters of comfort for her employer. However, she will only be available for the rest of the summer, due to job and schooling issues."

"Does she even have a mouth to tell me about these so-called issues?" asked an annoyed Fudge.

Hotly, Tonks replied, "Obviously I have a mouth and I wish for my _personal_ problems with employment and education to remain personal. And I am right here and will not tolerate being talked about as if I were chattel., I am sorry if my words seem out of place, but I cannot tolerate being treated anything less than with respect to maintain our employee-employer relationship." And with that Tonks, or rather Alice, stormed out of the room, slamming the door and leaving two stunned men in her wake.

Fudge turned to Kingsley angrily, "When I asked you to find me a good maid, I did not ask for the most impudent wench! What is the meaning of this?"

Smoothly, the other man interrupted the Minister, "I realize that at times Alice can be quite trying to your patience. However, under the circumstances, I believe that Alice will be an asset to your household."

"And just why is that?"

"Because Alice was, and still is, very close with Albus Dumbledore and Harry Potter."

Fudge grinned evilly. Maybe, just maybe, he could deal with the impudence of the girl for the summer. It would be well worth its to get the insides on what his political enemies were doing and planning.

**Soon after at Grimmauld Place…**

_Deep breaths. Deep breaths,_ thought Sirius as he walked through the halls of his depressing old home…"It's not hard. Just say, 'Dumbledore, I got caught.'"

"You WHAT," said Dumbledore. "How could you have gotten caught? You were only assigned this job yesterday!"

"Er…oopies."

"Sirius, you know what an important role Rosier had within Voldemort's Inner Circle. As his son, he was expecting the best of service from you. Now, that you have betrayed him, you will now be high on his list of people to kill." Berated Dumbledore as his temples began to beat furiously against his forehead.

He began walking forward down the hall to the kitchen as he continued, "This means that for your protection, you cannot be assigned any assignments for the rest of the summer holidays. All your previously assigned assignments must go to someone who is not watching over Harry at Privet Drive or to someone who does not have an assignment and is cannot go to any of the werewolves for the business that must take place on the full moon and on no other day. Then you must go back to-"

Sirius interrupted Dumbledore, "I refuse to stay here and do nothing again as I did last summer. I cannot do it Dumbledore. We will simply have to catch that disgusting vermin that calls itself Peter, so that I can wonder free as a bird and wild as a dog."

Dumbledore replied, "You must learn to move on with your life. Yes, yes Azkaban took up some of the best years of life, years that you will never get back, but you have many years yet to live. And we will see if we can get you free from the ministry's ever persistent chase of you. Now let us step into the kitchen and begin this meeting. I am afraid I am not looking forward to having to tell the Order that you have been found out."

Sirius simply stared at Dumbledore. He knew the man had been through a lot in his life and had been essentially the undisputed ruler of the wizarding world since his defeat of Grindelwald. But could he really be so heartless? He was just supposed to get over thirteen years of hell, thirteen YEARS of undeserved time in Azkaban just like that!

"Are you serious? I was shut off from the world with the most horrifying beings in existence for thirteen years and all you can think to say to me is that I shouldn't cherish my freedom? Thirteen YEARS, Albus Dumbledore-not days! 'Shallow understanding from people of good will is more frustrating than absolute misunderstanding from people of ill will!' Have you heard that before Dumbledore? It's by Martin Luther King Jr. He was also living in a constant state of fear, but you know what he did Albus Dumbledore?

Dumbledore cringed and feeling about 2 inches tall said nothing.

"He fought Dumbledore! And you know something-he won!" Sirius all but screaming said, frothing at the mouth with his fury. Taking a few harsh breaths to calm his anger, Sirius grinned up at Dumbledore and said, "Besides now that I've been found out, Harry can come back! You had better watch out old man because this summer, Grimmauld Place will play host to the greatest prank war in the history of mankind, against you!"

Dumbledore, already uncomfortable squirmed as he began to move forward into the kitchen for the order meeting. Sirius' words were unbelievably true; he couldn't just expect him to not have an obsession with freedom. After all it was a civil right to have the freedom to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. And the idea of an all out prank war against Harry and Sirius was not pleasing. He may have been old, but the Marauder's days at Hogwarts were still fresh in his mind. Sod it-he really had to control his mouth! Honestly, he didn't mean these things to sound so bald; it was _supposed_ to comfort people.

Paling rapidly, Dumbledore meekly apologized, "I'm sorry, you're right Sirius. I shouldn't have said that."

Sirius replied, "Your apology has been accepted by the Great Sirius Black." Sirius hooked elbows and marched Dumbledore into the kitchen saying, "However, you're still getting pranked within and an inch of your sanity. Come let us go and announce our news to everyone. Harry Potter's coming to town! Harry Potter's coming to town!"

As they stepped into the kitchen, the rest of the order stood up and began speaking all at once. Dumbledore held a hand up for silence.

"What has happened that you your minds are all a boggle?"

Tearfully, Molly Weasley looked up, "Dumbledore, something dreadful has happened to Harry."

dramatic suspense music plays

**End of Chapter 2**

**_Authors Note:_** The quote was from Letters from Birmingham Jail by Martin Luther King Jr., great man. This chapter was completed on Jan. 17, 2005, which is also Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.

Another cliffy in my puny attempt to make you people tell me how I am doing! I want a review! Just one, pleaseeeeee!


	3. Through the Grapevine

**_Dinner With Voldie and the Escape of the Spies 3  
_****Through the Grapevine:**

Dumbledore's face paled rapidly. However, the meeting was not quite official. In order for the spells documenting the events of the order to come into place as well as the wards detecting if someone was unloyal to the order, they must all say the official Order pledge.

"Let this meeting of the Order of the Phoenix, begin. Let us all say the pledge."

Dutifully the members of the Order rose and as a unit began,

"I am a good magical being,  
Not a Dark killing machine.  
If we are to fix our world,  
We must first defeat You-Know-Who;  
Muggles are innocent, not stupid."

Once they were all seated again, Albus asked Molly, "Now what, exactly do you mean something dreadful has happened to Harry?"

"I mean just what I said Albus! Gah! You're the most powerful wizard in the world and you don't know what the word 'dreadful' means!" she began ranting. She took a deep breath and began to build up speed. Fortunately for Dumbledore, just before the storm took a breath to build up speed, Arthur broke in before the storm could fully explode.

"Hush, dear," said Arthur passively while patting his wife on the back. He then nodded at Minerva to tell Albus all about the problems plaguing the poor boy that we all know and love.

* * *

"I cannot in all good conscience leave Harry there in that house with those magic-hating miscreants, knowing that he is so torn up and knowing that I can help him. And you shouldn't either, Albus," finished Minerva McGonagall.

Dumbledore, however, had barely registered the end of Minerva's monologue. He was in shock. 'This is a problem,' he thought. "What shall we do?" asked Dumbledore to the Order, "He is safe at Privet Drive, yet emotionally he will destroy himself." Dumbledore then pointed to the left side of the room and said, "All those who believe that Harry should leave the Dursleys immediately, please stand over here and"-now he pointed to the right-"all those who believe that Harry should remain at the Dursleys for the time being, please step over here."

Molly, Minerva, Remus, Sirius, and a few others stepped over to the left immediately. However, Arthur, Made-Eye, Kingsley, and Tonks shuffled over to the right.

"Arthur!" exclaimed Molly, "What do you think you're doing? Get over here right now!"

Arthur winced at the sharp tone of his wife, but resolutely remained in his spot, cleared his throat and said, "No, Molly, I think that Harry should remain at the Dursleys for the time being." Thus, it was Arthur Weasley who began the debate on whether Harry should leave the Dursleys or not, with Dumbledore as judge.

A half hour later, the "discussion" didn't look any closer to a conclusion and the fence hoppers, such as Hestia Jones and Dedalas Diggle, didn't help matters much, neither did Dung's loud and obnoxious snoring.

"You can't expect a boy just sixteen years old to be able to cope with his godfather's 'death,' hear the prophecy, and then go back to life as an ordinary teenager," yelled Molly Weasley into old Elphias Doge's deaf ear.

At the same time, Moody was gruffly telling Sirius and Remus, who were trying to double-team him, that it was obvious that the boy needed to stay in the Dursley household so that he could "be safe and away from the inner workings of the Order" because he and his friends were "entirely to nosy for their own good."

That was when Snape burst into the kitchen at Grimmauld Place. Gasping for breath, he managed to spurt out, "The Dark…Lord…is …planning…an attack…" and with that Snape fell to the ground, almost, but not quite, in a faint. The disagreement which had dominated this particular Order meeting came to a close. Harry Potter's emotional welfare was important, but it took a backseat when innocent people's lives were being wiped out from underneath their feet.

* * *

Sirius Black fell through the veil yelling, "It's all your fault Harry! You killed me!"

"No, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to Sirius! Come back!"

Harry woke up yelling. He was dreaming about Sirius Black falling through the veil again.

"Boy! If you don't shut it…" started Vernon Dursley. But it seemed just as soon as Vernon began screaming at Harry, he remembered the warning he had received just a couple weeks ago from the Order of the Phoenix. Vernon stamped off muttering about being threatened in his own house by freaks no less, leaving Harry to think in peace.

'It's all my fault. I killed him. He died to save me. I killed my own godfather. I'm -or was, now that I've killed him-a horrible godson. If it weren't for my saving people thing, he would still be alive, but ooh no! Certain people just _have_ to go off and try to save the day. Certain people just can't imagine living through just _one_ year without killing someone!'

Harry's thoughts continued in this vain for some time. When he reawoke a few hours later and went downstairs for breakfast. He ignored all of Dudley's frightened glances as well as Vernon and Petunia's angry glares, eating steadily. After Harry had finished eating, he walked outside thinking about the prophecy.

He had come to the conclusion that he was going to die. There was no doubt about it. Look at Voldemort and Dumbledore's duel at the Department of Mysteries. What did he, Harry, have? A slightly better than average Stunner and extremely good luck? Good luck was bound to eventually run out and probably sometime soon. No, he was defiantly going to die. But that was ok because then he would be with his parents and Sirius again. He continued to stroll down to the park with his depressing thoughts. Occasionally he would blurt out things like, "Since I'll be gone, someone will have to be the new Boy-Who-Lived. That'll be Draco, he'd love the attention," or "All my gold would go to Ron and the Weasleys." Once he even exclaimed, "With me gone, the world would be able to get a closer look into the life of the famous Boy-Who-Lived! After all, there would be no one holding Neville, Dean and Seamus back, much less Ron and Hermione. Hell, even Dumbledore and Snape'll get their say!"

Unfortunately, for Harry, it just so happened to be Minerva McGonagall watching him underneath the safety of Mad-Eye Moody's invisibility cloak-the good one, only the best for the Head of Gryffindor House.

"I told Albus, he simply could not be left alone! Now Harry's considering suicide! This is a messed up world in which I live," she thought before hurrying to apparate back to Grimmauld Place. Albus and the rest of the Order needed to know, even in Molly Weasley would pop a vein, or two.

* * *

"My Death Eaters," said Voldemort. "My disappointment in each of you is great lately. Since my disappoint is too great to put into words, I shall…sing you a song called 'Satisfaction' by the Rolling Stones."

Murmuring began sprouted among Voldemort's small collection of followers like Old Faithful. "My Lord," said a brave-and yet cowardly- Death Eater, "We humbly beg for knowledge. What are these rolling stones of which you speak?"

Voldemort sneered at the Death Eater and in a nasty voice replied, "The Rolling Stones are a Muggle band. The Rolling Stones are I believe the one thing that Muggles did right.

As the longtime favorite Death Eater of Voldemort, Bellatrix Lestrange felt it was her right to speak up to their master, for every ruler had at least one person who was able to tell them the truth, not just what they wanted to hear, but the truth of what is in the minds and the hearts of all people being ruled over. Since, her master was a great and powerful man, Bellatrix never really felt the need to speak up against her master, but in this case…The filthy Muggles who are taking over the world which was rightfully theirs, doing something right? C'est impossiblè! So she gathered what little courage a Slytherin has, really a true Gryffindor would be better for the taks, and protested, "But my Lord, the Muggles...they are incapable to doing anything correct. Surely my Lord, must know this."

"Silence!" shrieked Voldemort. And there was silence in the musty dark room where the meeting of some of the most evil minds that ever existed plotted for their world domination. And softly, ever so softly, he began:

"I can't get no satisfaction,  
I can't get no satisfaction.  
'cause I try and I try and I try and I try.  
I can't get no, I can't get no.

When I'm drivin' in my car  
And that man comes on the radio  
And he's tellin' me more and more  
About some useless information  
Supposed to fire my imagination.  
I can't get no, oh no no no.  
Hey hey hey, that's what I say.

I can't get no satisfaction,  
I can't get no satisfaction.  
'cause I try and I try and I try and I try.  
I can't get no, I can't get no.

When I'm ridin' round the world  
And I'm doin' this and I'm signing that  
And I'm tryin' to make some girl  
Who tells me baby better come back later next week  
'cause you see I'm on losing streak.  
I can't get no, oh no no no.  
Hey hey hey, that's what I say.

I can't get no, I can't get no,  
I can't get no satisfaction,  
No satisfaction, no satisfaction, no satisfaction."

Silently, the Death Eaters listened to Voldemort sing. If indeed it could be called singing. It was an extremely good thing that their lord did not aspire to become a pop singer in either the Muggle or their precious wizarding world. Of course, no one would tell him this, not even Voldemort's once favorite Death Eater, Bellatrix. Obviously, she was no longer Voldemort's favorite, else how could he bellow at her to shut her godforsaken mouth.

"Now my servants-I mean brothers, you have a chance, just one, to cleanse yourself to your unworthiness and prove, both to me and the rest of the world that we are pure and purity will triumph! If you should fail, I beseech you for your sakes, come to my presence for your death quickly, and I might spare you the pain."

With sickly sweet voice and an evil gleam in his eye, Voldemort continued his speech, "Some day next week at nine o'clock, we will attack the muggle city of Bristol. When you feel the burn on your beautiful Marks, you will apparate immediately to Bristol. Lucius, be certain to bring your son for this attack, I want to see the training he's been up to under your, ahem, excellent tutelage. Now, Barty, you will set up the apparition points, for we do not want to be seen until the opportune moment. Also we will see the look of utter surprise on those fools faces. Now that our spy is out of our mist, we will be completely unhindered and thus able to cause massive destruction in the world in which we live, which is soon to be ours…"

* * *

Sirius motioned to Remus at the end of the meeting. Together, as in the golden days of the Marauders, they cornered the target. Only in this case, the target would be one of the most powerful wizards alive, still the goal of man must exceed his reach.

"Albus," began Remus, "I will come straight to the point and forget the pleasantries." Dumbledore nodded.

"I have come to the conclusion that there is more to what you told Harry that night after the battle at the Department of Mysteries. It is not like Harry to ignore his friends without cause. It is also unlike Harry to be so listless and depressed that he is talking to himself aloud. So knowing all of this, I don't understand why Harry is not here at Headquarters."

Dumbledore replied, "Yes, it is true, the news I gave Harry that night would have been highly disturbing to him. And I have yet to tell Harry that Sirius is yet among us."

"What did you tell him that night Dumbledore that the rest of the order, nor I, _his godfather_, do not know about?" asked Sirius angrily.

"The prophecy."

"And you did not see the need to tell the order this prophecy that we so meticulously guarded all this year, much less me!"

"No, it is Harry's secret to tell. It would not have been right for me to have told anyone else without having told him first. Furthermore, now that Harry knows the contents of the prophecy, only he can determine who will know about it."

Both Sirius and Remus were silent for a minute. If Harry knows, then they could probably get to know the prophecy from him UNLESS Harry really didn't want anyone to know about the prophecy, which would be apparent from his behavior recently. Well, just as obviously, they weren't going to get any more information out of Dumbledore, so their only option would be to find a way to make Harry tell. But Harry can't tell them something as important as the prophecy over a letter; therefore, he would have to be here at the Headquarters…

Breaking the silence, Sirius abruptly said, "Well, why can't Harry come here?"

Dumbledore replied, "We just decided that Harry will come as soon as possible. Unfortunately, as soon as possible is after this attack on Bristol that Voldemort is planning."

"Yeah, as if that's a problem Dumbledore. We all know that if you really wanted Harry to be here now, then he would be here now. So cut the crap and tell us directly the exact reason why you are delaying his coming," said Remus.

"Well, I thought it best that he stay at the Dursleys to renew the blood magic with the Dursleys. I have thought that knowing the contents of the prophecy that Harry would pull himself together rather than dwell on times past."

"What to you mean, 'dwell on times past'?" asked Sirius harshly.

Remus swore. "What?" asked Sirius indignantly.

Glaring at Dumbledore, Remus said, "Tell him, Albus," he dared, "Tell what I now know." Hoping to absolve himself, Dumbledore shamefully hung his head and looked at the ground.

"Sirius, Harry doesn't know…that you're…alive."

"WHAT!" yelled Sirius, "Do you mean to tell me that Harry has been sitting at the Dursleys and he doesn't know that I'm alive!"

Dumbledore nodded meekly in response. Sirius out his hands to his head in frustration and slowly said, "Dumbledore, I am trying really, really, _really_ hard to lose my head. Just tell me what the hell were you thinking when you didn't tell my godson that I was still alive. I came back the day after I went into the veil; why in Merlin's name didn't you tell him that I came back!"

"Well, I thought it best that Harry spend some time alone to think about the prophecy. I had hoped that the news of the prophecy would help to train and that would help his pain to be blocked for a time."

Remus, who had up until this point been pretty much silent, snarled, "Did it ever occur to you that had you told Harry that Sirius was alive, he would not have been depressed. I don't know what the hell that prophecy said, but it was worth letting the poor boy contemplate suicide, Albus! Just tell me something. Had Harry actually committed suicide today, rather than dream about it, would it have been worth it?"

Sirius added, "Right now…I just, I don't think that I can talk to you right now without feeling the urge to throttle you so I'm just going to day this. You will bring Harry here to Grimmauld Place by the end of the week, Voldemort or no Voldemort, prophecy or no prophecy."

Both having said their say, Remus and Sirius turned and left the room. Sirius muttered to Remus, "Do you think he'll bring Harry?"

"I don't know. I certainly hope so though."

* * *

Tonks apparated to the Ministry to begin her first day as a maid with that pompous overblown Minister. She still couldn't believe that Fudge had hired, even with all the background information that Kingsley had given Fudge. It wouldn't be easy to pretend that she had no idea where everything was in the ministry when she had practically lived there for the past seven years.

Sighing heavily, Tonks rearranged herself so that she appeared exactly as Alice McColl. With one more sigh, Tonks knocked on the door.

Fudge swung open the door. "Where have you been? I've been here for an hour already." Panting slightly, he snapped, "Well, what's your excuse?"

"I don't have an excuse," retorted Alice or Tonks, whichever you prefer. "I was told to be here at eight o'clock. And here's the kicker-it _is_ eight o'clock!"

Fudge stunned for only a second, checked his watch. Damn! It was eight. Clearing his throat he said, "Well, come in then. I have loads of work for you to do."

Tonks stepped in gracefully while Fudge stuffed a handful of papers and a stamp in front of her. I need you to stamp my signature on these and after that you'll need to clean out the cabinets He pointed to the messy set of cabinets.

Tonks stared at everything. There was no way in hell she'd be able to clean it all up and get it organized. Especially since she would have to do it the Muggle way because her household spells made things worse!

Hours later, Tonks had completed her tasks. "Minister, I have finished. Are there any other tasks that you wish for me to complete?"

"What took you so long? Nevermind, nevermind that. Just go home before I do something or say something I regret."

So ended Tonks' first day working for the Minister of Magic and so ends this chapter of Dinner With Voldie and the Escape of the Spies.

**_

* * *

Authors Note: Special thanks to my first reviewer ever Puss In Boots and all other! It means so much:tear: but seriously thanks a bunch! Meanwhile I'm hoping against hope for more reviews! Wishing you lots of laughter, love, and Harry Potter,_**

wannabewitch610


	4. Making a Move, or Two

_**Dinner With Voldie and the Escape of the Spies**_

**Making a Move…Or Two**

**

* * *

**

**The Ministry of Magic**

"So, do you have a boyfriend?" asked Fudge while pretending like he was busy by shuffling papers around his desk. Just a foot away stood Alice, or Tonks as we know her,

"Huh?" came the reply. Alice, or Tonks, was thoroughly confused. She knew that Kingsley had told Fudge that she was close with Dumbledore and Harry, and so of course she expected odd questions from her new employer. But did she have a boyfriend? What in the name of all that was magical did that have to do with Harry Potter and Albus Dumbledore?

Fudge repeated himself seemingly unaware of how odd his random question had appeared. Now he had given up all pretense of being busy and was staring intently at his new maid who was totally under his control and required to do everything that he asked of her…the possibilities…

Tonks, or Alice rather, hesitantly responded, "No…I mean yes…err no!"

"Oh that's good," said Fudge as he edged closer. Discreetly placing a hand on Alice's upper thigh he said, "You could go far in the Ministry without some poor little boy hanging on to you."

Alice, or Tonks really, slapped his hand away from her hard. Glaring up into Fudge's leering face she angrily asked, "Are you hitting on me?"

"I'm a man who knows what he wants. And you, my girl, are a girl who just so happens to need this job," said Fudge. He was looking extremely proud of himself. "I know that your family is all dead and that you are here working for me because no place else would take you. With your fiery temper, all other companies sacked you within your first week. _You need me_."

"Well aren't you just the smartest man to ever walk the planet since Albert Eistein. Did you work that out all by yourself," sneered Tonks in response to Fudge's sickening revelation.

"Who?"

Tonks however ignored him. She was rambling under her breath as she usually tended to do when put in a stressful situation. A stressful situation that didn't involve dueling, that is. "Why did I accept this job? I just _knew_ something like this would happen." She threw a dirty look at Fudge before continuing her muttering, " Now, I remember how I ended up here. Stupid Dumbledore wanted to know what the heck this idiot called himself doing as the Minister of Magic." Fudge's ears perked up at the mention of Dumbledore's name. His face screwed up in anticipation for information on what Dumbledore was doing. Unfortunately for Fudge, the look on his face was enough of Tonks to realize that she was still in Fudge's hearing range and since the man wasn't totally dumb…

"What? What about Dumbledore?" begged Fudge like a kid begging his mommy for Chocolate Frogs or Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans. But he might as well have worshipped a Cockroach Cluster for all the response Tonks gave.

"Well, fine don't tell me. But you can go on and tell you friend Harry that he's going to have to accept the Order of Merlin, Third Class for his continued efforts against Lord…Thingy."

"Lord who?"

"You know who I mean Alice."

"I'm sorry. You'll have to clarify because I am afraid I really don't know who it is that you are talking about."

"Well, isn't that too bad," replied Fudge in a nasty voice. He was obviously trying to cover up for his cowardice and inability to even say the name of the wizarding world's arch nemesis.

"Ohhh, you mean Lord Voldemort," said Tonks as if she had only just understood who it was that Fudge was trying to say. "Well, don't worry about that, I'll make sure Harry gets your message. Whether or not he shows up…you'll have to take it up with him."

Fudge's face turned as red as a MacIntosh apple. That was the second to last straw. He'd had it with this girl. As his anger welled up inside, Tonks goaded him on, "You know, it's not good for your health to bottle your emotions like that Minister. Do you need to for me to arrange Anger Management classes for you? I happen to know an excellent mentor. He'll whip you right into shape…literally."

Fudge exploded. "That's it!" he yelled. "I've had it with you! Your stupid sassy mouth is driving me insane! It's not worth the day to day torture! Get out! Get out right now! I never ever ever ever want to see your face in the Ministry of Magic as long as I live!"

Tonks gratefully grabbed her stuff and leisurely walked toward the door. Pausing before stepping out she asked, "Does this mean I'm fired?"

_Whoosh_! Fudge's shoe swept by her ear by way of response. "I'll take that as a…_yes_!" said Tonks as she went out of the door.

**

* * *

**

**Number 4, Privet Drive**

_Bam_!

Instantly, Harry Potter, wizard extraordinaire and future destroyer of the Dark Lord awoke. There was movement and loud talking in the kitchen. It sounded much the same as the Advance Guard had the summer before. The murmur of voices grew louder as it moved toward the stairs. Yet Harry still didn't move. It could be Dumbledore's hand-picked babysitters, but it could also be Voldemort's dim-witted lackeys.

There was a high-pitched scream just then. Then there was the sound of said scream being muffled, probably by an intruders hand.

While Harry was still deciding whether he should let the murmuring people-really they should have been more quiet!-come to him or to get the hell out there, something else, or rather someone else awoke. Throwing the bedroom door open, a mini elephant marched down the hallway toward the steps. It wasn't until it had stepped into the light that the people below could see…Vernon Dursley?

Vernon blanched as he caught sight of the people who had interrupted his wonderful dream where the world was magic did not exist and scruffiness _was_ punishable by law. From his off white color, Vernon Dursley's face passed through all the colors of the rainbow before settling on a nasty acid green. He had come to wake up the boy from his stupid nightmares. Honestly, the boy really needed to learn how to keep his troubles to himself and inside his room!Before him stood about nine adult w-w-w-wizards and standing in the middle of the passle of freaks, shaking like a leaf stood his own son, Dudley Dursley.

Everyone stared in front of them directly at the other. Vernon the wizards and the wizards at Vernon. The only exception was Dudley who had the pinched look of a toddler trying extremely hard not to pee in his pants. It was at this point that Harry decided to burst out of his room, thoroughly ending the staring contest.

A middle-aged man who looked like the leader with blonde-grayish hair spoke first. "Hello Mr. Dursley, Harry," the person said in a tight, clipped voice while glaring at Vernon.

Vernon, however, had regained the use of his voice box. "What the hell are you doing with my son?" he yelled at the top of his lungs before Harry could politely respond.

"We found him lurking about the house. You're lucky Dursley, if Remus here hadn't stopped me, your son might've been dead," growled Mad-Eye Moody. He frowned at trembling boy in question. "You need to be more careful. These are dangerous times and you _don't_ want to be caught by the _wrong_ people," Moody shoving Dudley up towards his gaping father.

Turning towards Harry he said, "Harry, we've come to bust you out."

**

* * *

Voldemort's Lair**

Voldemort watched silently as his Death Eaters walked quietly inside the dining room, paid their homage to him, and took their assigned seat. "So, Kingsley, has Alice reported to you lately on her progress with the Minister of Magic."

"Erm…yes…," stammered Kingsley. "Actually there isn't any progress with the Minster, My Lord."

"Come again?"

"She erm got...sacked today." Voldemort had a look of utter outrage on his face. _Shoot. He's going to throw the Cruciatus at me. I just know it. Unless…I mean he's going to find out the in the Daily Prophet tomorrow anyway..._

"But she did find out just before he fired her that he is ordering Harry Potter to accept the Order of Merlin," added Kingsley quickly. Voldemort's face swiftly turned happy or as happy as Voldemort's face ever looked. He let out a sinister laugh **(a/n: think Imhotep's laughter at the beginning of _The Mummy Returns_)**. Weakly, the other Death Eaters followed. This could be one of those times that the Dark Lord wanted them to share in his humor.

"Shut up. What are you laughing at, you half-wits?" Apparently not. The Death Eaters stopped immediately. Just as suddenly, Voldemort turned to Barty Crouch- or rather Severus Snape. Crouch (Snape) trembled slightly. "Barty Crouch, Junior," began Voldemort, " Do you think that it is acceptable that Kingsley has no news of extreme great import to announce."

Crouch gave a dirty look toward Kinglsey. Although they were technically on the same side, Snape gave the man across from him a foul look. Turning his Polyjuiced face toward Voldemort he said, "No, I don't."

"Then you agree with my decision to tell Kingsley to get out until he can come up with news that someone as important as I would care about," said Voldemort. By this time he was staring Kingsley down as if he were trying to kill him with his eyes alone. All heads turned toward Kingsley.

"Yes, my lord. I apologize."

"Oh Kingsley, I don't recall asking for any apologies. I do, however, recall ordering you to _get out_ of my dining room immediately. You have three seconds to move."

Kingsley froze. "Three," said Voldemort before even getting to one."_Crucio_!" Kingsley's horrible screams of pain echoed through out the silent room. At the end of the curse Voldemort icily said, "Next time, when I say to get out Shacklebolt, I mean, get out! Now LEAVE!" Kingsley dragged himself to his feet and Apparated out of the dining room.

Once Kingsley was gone, Voldemort turned to Crouch again. "now Barty, let's begin. I believe a certain Mr. Potter has a date with the Minister of Magic. Let's not be a party pooper…." Voldmort waved his wand. In the background played a song.

"Every party has a party pooper (pooper)

That's why we invited you, oh you,

'Cause if we didn't have a party pooper (pooper)

We wouldn't sing this song (this song)…"

* * *

** 12 Grimmauld Place, London **

Sirius came down the steps and walked into the kitchen. There were several numbers of the Order huddled around the kitchen table talking. When the group saw Sirius, they gave him one of two looks. A look of pity and sympathy or a look of confusion.

"What?" asked Sirius. "Do I have something on my face?"

"No," said someone from behind him. It was Remus. "We just got back from Privet Drive," he said by way of explanation.

Sirius' face didn't change. He was if anything, even more lost. Why wouldn't they just say what happened. Se shook his head at Remus and the group as if to say, "Is that supposed to mean something to me?" Remus merely gazed at Sirius with a somber expression upon his face.

"Well? Are you going to explain it or what?"

Remus sank back down into a chair and heaved a great sigh. "Sirius, you remember when Dumbledore said that he didn't tell Harry that you were alive, right?" Sirius nodded while thinking, _Where is he going with this?_ "Well we brought back Harry from Privet Drive."

Sirius brightened like the sunshine. His godson was back. And now that the house a habitable, they could settle down for a nice, long summer of relaxation and pranks. Really it was a good thing that Voldemort found out that he was a spy.

"So where is he? And why are you looking so grim Remus. I would've thought you'd have been happy that Dumbledore finally brought Harry here.

Remus sighed again. Sirius wasn't making this easy for him. "Sirius…Harry doesn't…he doesn't…"

"Spit it out already Moony."

He doesn't believe that youre alive. He thinks that we all lied to him. He thinks that we're just trying to hurt him for some odd reason. Something about being a weapon and getting the job done."

"Where is he now Remus," said Sirius gravely.

"He's in Buckbeak's room with the door locked so that we cant get it in, with or without magic. And on top of that he's threatened to really commit suicide because he says that he just can't live like this.

Sirius' smile dropped faster than an Acme canon from the Tex Avery show.

**

* * *

Hours Later At Grimmauld Place**

Sirius knocked softly on the door of his old mother's room, now Buckbeak's room. There was no response. He knocked again a little bit louder.

"Go away," he heard from inside the room. It was Harry's muffled voice that sounded as if he had been crying. His heart broke; his poor godson.

"Harry it's me, Sirius."

"Yeah right," scoffed Harry. "If you're was _really_ Sirius, then tell me what he g-gave me last year of C-Christmas right before the start of the second term."

Sirius smiled. Harry wasn't giving in too easily. Whatever that prophecy involved, he knew Harry would put up a good strong fight to see to it that it came true or didn't come true, whichever was better.

"The two-way mirrors that your father and I used to talk to each other during detentions during our Hogwarts days."

The door creaked open slowly. Sirius winced. It sounded like nails on a chalkboard. Standing at the doorway he peered inside. Harry was on the floor in a corner rolled in a ball. He looked up.

"S-S-Sirius?"

"Hey Prongs Jr. How you feeling?"

Harry simply stared. Suddenly his throat was parched. "How?"

"Well, it turns out the veil isn't actually death, at least for people who are generally good and still have purpose on this earth. Your father helped me get out somehow…he showed me the light, literally."

"No, this isn't happening. You're just a-just a dream." Tears welled up in Harry's eyes again. He yelled,"Go away! Leave me alone! Just STOP it! Isn't it bad enough you killed Sirius?" He shook his hands at the sky; well really it was the ceiling.

Sirius took a step forward to hug the suffering boy. He had to convince him that he was real.

Harry closed his eye to block the man in front him out. Quietly he said in a dead hollow voice, "Everyone saw you fall. And everyone knows that _that_ veil is the Veil of Death."

Sirius leaned down and hugged Harry, like a father would his troubled son. Harry could feel a dampness on his shoulder and realized the man was crying. None of his dreams of Sirius had ever been so real. He could never actually feel him there. Could it be true?

They sat hugging each other speechless for a few minutes enjoying one another's company. Sirius then shifted so that he could see Harry's face. Looking him in the eye he said, "I'm so sorry you had to go through all this summer so far believing that I had died. I wish I could have been there...But you should know…I came back the very next day after having been thrown behind the veil." Harry's eyes widened and he opened his mouth to say something. Sirius raised a finger for silence. He continued, "I truly thought that Dumbledore told you that I had come back."

"WHAT?"

Sirius clapped his hands to his ears as Harry ranted.

"As if it's not bad enough that he told me that accursed prophecy just after you quote unquote 'died,' he has to go and do something like this! I knew I was right! He does just think of me as a weapon."

"Harry, I need to know. What is the prophecy? Dumbledore said he had told you, but that he thought that you would be able to handle it. Judging from the emotional mess you were after I quote unquote 'died,' I think it might be helpful for you to tell me about it."

Bitterly Harry replied, "I don't know if I should tell you. Voldemort might try to kill you again, and I don't think that I could live with myself if you died…again."

"Harry, I just got caught spying on Voldemort and his Death Eaters and escaped; trust me, I'm at the top of Voldemort's list of people to kill," bragged Sirius proudly.

Harry sighed and began to tell Sirius of the words that had haunted him for the past month, "_The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches ... Born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies ... And the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not ... And either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives_…."

Sirius' face change expressions as fast as the speed of light; from anger to pity to sadness to determination. _I just cant wait to get my hands on Albus Dumbledore. What the hell was he thinking when he told a FIFTEEN year old BOY that he had to destroy the world's most evil man or be killed himself? Poor Harry. You know, the world lucky to have its burdens placed on this boy and not me. I sure as hell would have run away, left the world to its own damn devices…I can't let Harry go. James and Lily would never forgive me. Hell, I would never forgive me._

"I will train you," said Sirius suddenly.

"Huh?"

"I will train you. Remus too. We won't let the world go to those disgusting things that call themselves humans, let alone wizards. And we sure as hell won't let you die. You just mean that much to us Harry," he teased. "Now, I know this summer will be the best yet since my own dear Hogwarts days. By the way, we have a prank war with Dumbledore that lasts _at least_ until the end of the summer. And NOW we can practice magic in this room." _Maybe if I say this enough, I'll believe it. In any case, its Hary that's got to believe me. We can do this. We will never give up. Never surrender. _We will win, thought Sirius

"No. No prank war," said Harry.

Sirius' face fell. "Why?"

"I want to focus on training. Have you ever seen Voldemort dueling? _Really_ dueling. It's incredible. The power that radiated through the room at the Ministry of Magic after you fell behind the veil was incredible. If I even want a fighting chance, I've got to train the whole summer nonstop."

Sirius smiled at his godson. "Well, let's get to it then." They both got up and shook hands. "To a good summer," they said together and with that they both marched out of the bedroom and down the steps.

**Inspiring music plays**

**The End of _Making a Move…Or Two_**

* * *

I hate to end this chapter with so serious a note but I hadn't posted in…well a really long time. Thing is, my internet broke. Of course, you're thinking yeah, right. Just like all those other authors out there- "my computer broke" is the oldest excuse in the book. So of course, you don't believe me, but that's what happened. I swear it on my reserved copy of _Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince_! So yeah, hopefully something funny next time but definitely not until after my prom. Sorry my life's coming first (yes I have a life) 

Anyway, please review! Like I said in _Musings and Heartbreak_, even if its just the word '_the'_ review! That's all I'm asking for-just '_the'_! Wishing you lots of laughter, love, and Harry Potter

**_wannabewitch_**

p.s. so you know, I'm not goth or anything like that…my pen name is the result of too much time spent with Harry Potter and lack of creativity (aka all the good names were taken!)


	5. Against All Odds

**Dinner With Voldie and the Escape of the Spies**

**Against All Odds**

**

* * *

**

"Just why is it that I have to go see that monster again Shacklebolt? Just remind me once more before my death," said Tonks grimly as she rearranged herself to fit the Alice McColl persona.

Kingsley merely smiled. "He's not going to kill you Tonks. He likes you-and your pancakes too much." At Tonks' rather loud and rather childish "humpf," he continued. "Hard as that may be to believe, he likes you. Let's just hope that its not as much as Fudge liked you."

At that Tonks stuck her tongue out. Like her the way that Fudge had liked her-the very thought was revolting! She shuddered. She didn't even want to imagine Voldemort thinking about her-or anyone for that matter- like that.

Fortunately for Kingsley, they had managed to make it to the dining room. "Gotta go. Good luck," he muttered as he shoved Tonks into the Voldemort's chamber of doom.

Tonks chewed on her tongue while stumbling into the room. "Bloody hell! That damn stupid auror! That bloody hurt! She was still muttering to herself when she heard that thing's voice.

"Watch your mouth when in the presence of your betters Alice."

She inwardly rolled her eyes and thought, you're my better when hell freezes over and Snape reveals his undying love and devotion to Harry Potter. However, the space between your mind and your mouth can be either very wide or very small. Luckily this was one of those times when the space remained as wide as the Great Plains.

Tonks bowed submissively, "My Lord, please forgive me. I-"

"Save your apologies for bigger things Alice. I want to know exactly why it is that you were fired by Fudge."

"My Lord…there is no excuse for my failure…I …"

"I know that already. Now tell me what happened!" hissed Voldemort.

"He…well…Fudge hit on me and I gave him the rough side of my tongue I'm afraid Master. I couldn't allow that half-breed to think that he had any chances with me-an Irish pureblood and direct descendent of Hogwarts' own Bloody Baron."

Does the Bloody Baron have descendents? Merlin, I hope not. Otherwise I am in deep crap! Thought Tonks.

The bloody Baron has descendents? Thought Voldemort, sidetracked for just a second.

Voldemort's sneering voice reassured her, "Touching as that really is Alice, I am still spyless. And I'll have you know that the Fudge line is pure, much as it seems that it isn't. I like you Alice McColl…"

Tonks blanched. She had thought that Kingsley was kidding when he said that Voldemort liked her!

"…and that's why you must go back."

Tonks snapped back into reality. Go back? What the hell is this creep on? Its bad enough you look like some kind of snake-human Animorph. Now you want me to go back to work for that lecherous man who's our so-called beloved leader! Not unless its over his dead body! Fortunately the gap between the mouth and the mind was once again quite wide.

"But Master, I don't want to serve him. I want to stay he with you and serve you. You're my only Master," said Tonks, inwardly wincing at that double meaning that she didn't see until just then.

Voldemort chuckled. Apparently Tonks wasn't the only one to see the double meaning in her words. And just like a storm passing through he stopped chuckling.

"You will go back Alice or don't bother to show up here in my glorious presence again."

Yes! Two nasty birds gone in one day! Uh-oh Dumbledore's not gonna like this…Oh well he can go to hell with the rest of them! I'm free! Oh try not to look too happy Tonks, she thought scolding herself.

"Yes master, " she said tearfully. "I only hope that I can be of better service to you in Ireland that I could be for you here. My parents have, after all, been begging me to go back home and marry one of the McNair twins." And before Voldemort could say anything, she apparated away.

* * *

Sirius and Harry made their way back to the kitchen with smiles on their faces to the surprise of the gossiping gathered Order members. Everyone stopped what he or she was doing and jerked their heads to Harry and Sirius. 

Harry ducked his head shyly and said, "I'm sorry for my outburst when we got here. And thank you, from rescuing me from the Dursley's."

Mrs. Weasley rushed over to Harry to give him a huge hug that almost caused Harry and early death.

"Molly, let the boy go before you kill him. He can't possibly breathe like that," laughed Remus.

Sirius on the other hand saw this as an excellent opportunity to shine in the spotlight. He ran up to them and swallowed them in a huge hug of his own. He then promptly changed into his Animagus form and gave them each a wet, slobbery lick.

"Ewww!" cried Tonks laughingly.

"I totally agree," said Harry. "That is really nasty, Padfoot."

"Aren't you supposed to be somewhere right now, Alice McColl?" said Sirius changing back at Tonks voice.

Tonks blushed furiously. "Voldemort said go back to Fudge or leave. And I was not going back. So I left after making up some stupidness about being the Bloody Baron's descendent and marrying a McNair twin."

The whole kitchen positively hooted with laughter. They stopped a few seconds only to laugh even harder at Mad-Eye Moody's loud, "Snort!" The laughter continued until Albus Dumbledore walked into the kitchen drawn in by the laughter. It was not often that the gloomy, crumbling old house rang with such joyous, raucous laughter. However, upon Dumbledore's arrival, all laughter came to an abrupt halt.

"What'd I miss?" asked Dumbledore innocently.

"Nothing," chorused the whole room in such a way that everyone knows the other is guilty and probably doing something the intruder wouldn't like.

"Nothing," continued Sirius airily, "Except Miss McColl has managed to quit both of her jobs spying on Fudge and Voldemort in less than a day."

But instead of the anticipated reaction of the Order members and to Sirius' chagrin, Dumbledore chuckled. Perplexed the rest of the room followed, not in some sort of sick attempt to make the Headmaster feel pleased with himself such as with the Death Eaters, but more in confusion and embarrassment.

Once again the Grimmauld Place rang with laughter. Eventually the Order members calmed down enough for them to ask the question one another were all wondering. "What are we laughing for?"

Still laughing, but shaking their head in confusion, the other member would manage moan out happily, "I don't know."

Indignantly, for he thought the whole room was laughing at him, Sirius demanded, "You chuckle for her, but yell at me. How is that possible? Where is the justice? That is so unfair!"

Tonks responded first smugly, "It's because I'm smarter, prettier, and all around better than you. The Headmaster wouldn't dare yell at me. Isn't that so, Professor Dumbledore?"

"Well," replied Dumbledore, "I didn't actually expect Nymphadora to be able to keep up her double roles for a long period of time. Her temperament is not that of one with patience and discretion. Don't you agree?"

Completely mollified, Sirius nodded energetically and stuck his tongue back out at Tonks and every child's favorite words popped out by habit, "So there!"

Tonks however, pouted just as childishly as Sirius had not a few seconds ago and huffily defended herself. "I could too hold a job. I just didn't want to hold either of those jobs! Furthermore, you of all people should know that my name is _Tonks_, not _Nymphadora_. And if you weren't such an elderly old man, I'd hex you to Pluto and back!"

"Pax Caesar!" laughed Dumbledore. Putting on the "I'm Serious Face" he began, "I came to speak to Harry who I heard through the grapevine is back at Grimmauld Place." Silently all hands pointed to Harry who had a curious look on his face.

"Ah Harry. How are you my boy?"

"I'm fine, sir, now that Sirius is back. How are you."

"Very well thank you. Now let us forget the pleasantries." At Harry's nod of acquiesce, he continued, "I have some rather unpleasant news for you. We are going to bring your training now. I assume you know the reasons." Harry began to frown but Dumbledore took no notice of this. "We need to set up a training schedule. I will personally train you until I feel that you ready to face your destiny. I will begin your training when I feel that you are completely able to blick off Lord Voldemort. We do not under any circumstances want him to know of your training and we most certainly do not want him to know of the prophecy. Therefore, you will resume your lessons with Professor Snape until you are proficient Occlumens master."

The whole room stared at Harry, waiting for his reaction at the end of Dumbledore's speech. Some were nodding in agreement, whatever, the prophecy involved it made sense that Harry would train in Occlumency before training with Dumbledore himself. How lucky! To be talented and powerful enough to be trained by Albus Dumbledore-the greatest wizard of the past TWO centuries!

"Excuse me," said Harry in a deadly calm voice. "You want me to train with Professor Snape in Occlmency when you _know_ that we do not get along well and when you _know_ that he hates me and I hate me. No, Dumbledore, I am through with you running my life. I am perfectly willing to be trained by you during the school year but I flat out REFUSE…to learn Occlumency with Snape."

"_Professor_ Snape," quipped Dumbledore.

Harry gave the Headmaster a thoroughly disgusted look. Uh-oh, thought Dumbledore, better get everyone out of here before the explosion comes. This is not going to be pretty. Turning toward the rest of Order, Dumbledore said, "May you please excuse us and allow Harry and I discuss this privately?"

Reluctant to leave and disgruntled about missing to the good show, the Order members left. Shuffling towards the door, they all muttered about missing the "showdown" and wondered who would come out on top. It was obvious that something was happening, something that would make for excellent gossip at the end of the next meeting of the Order of the Phoenix. Nevertheless, they all left the kitchen. Well, all except one, Sirius Black, that is.

"Sirius," said Dumbledore, "may Harry and I please have privacy for our conversation?"

"No," replied Sirius resolutely. "This concerns my godson and you are not his guardian. You will not be making anymore decisions concerning him without my permission. It's time you learned and respected my role has Harry's guardian."

"You had a role in Harry's life. Problem is, its hard for a man in Azkaban to watch over his godson's life. Something g that I did! I took over your role of guardian of Harry when you proved yourself incapable of responsibility by chasing after Pettigrew without a shred of tangible evidence! I've been there for Harry. And where have you been? Rotting away in Azkaban."

"Stop!" yelled Harry. "Would you just listen to yourself Dumbledore? You haven't been there for me. If you had, then I wouldn't have been at the Dursely's lvigin as their slave and sleeping under the cupboard under the stair for 10 years! Sirius has been there more for me than you could ever hope to be! And I'm tired of you running my life. You're running my life has only gotten me running up and down and around every corner at Hogwarts trying to solve mystery or another that you know that you could solve perfectly well on your own!"

When Dumbledore didn't say anything, Sirius took up where Harry had left off, "We're leaving, Dumbledore," he said coldly. "And while we're gone, I want you to think about what was said here today and when we return, I want a full apology made to me and Harry. And be careful fo what you say, because it could very well end up in the Daily Prophet. And then we will you be- the world's most respected wizard revealed for the cold, unfeeling old man that he is."

"But what about the Order of Merlin ceremony, you have to," began Dumbledore somewhat weakly, for even he could sense his defeat in this particular argument.

"I don't have to do anything, Dumbledore. But I will be there, if only to bash Fudge's head into the ground."

"Well, where are you going to go. I'm afraid I cant let you leave this house without knowing where you're secure location for Harry and yourself is, Sirius. It's time you showed some responsibility."

"So much for what you know, Dumbledore. This is not the only house that the Black family owns. Nor is it the only house that I own. As for where it is-NunYa!"

"NunYa?" asked Dumbledore skeptically. "I have never heard of-"

"It means none of your business, Dumbledore. All you need to know is that it is a secure location, just as secure as Grimmauld Place."

Sirius then walked towards the door and yanked it open with Harry following. When they opened the door, Tonks, Remus, and a few other brave souls fell down from leaning on the door. Sirius laughed, but refused to answer all of their frantic questions. Harry only scowled. There were more people trying to butt into his life! However, taking one look at Harry's scowl, one man stormed into the kitchen to talk with one, Albus Dumbledore.

* * *

It was late evening in England. All around the country families, friends, and business partners were meeting up for dinner. Lord Voldemort and his minions were no exception to this ancient tradition.

Currently Voldemort and Severus Snape, or Barty Crouch Jr. as Vodemort knew him, were sitting down to eat dinner and plan an attack on the Ministry of Magic. Formal dinner with Voldermort, can you imagine?

Well, actually it was more like Voldemort sitting comfortably and Snape squatting. Snape would never dare sit in his Master's presence without his expressed permission. Niether would he ask for his permission to sit. Not only would it probably get him cursed, but he would never relinquish his pride. Never would a Snape sit on the floor in deference to another wizard like some common house elf! Therefore, he squatted through the entire meal

For the first quarter of an hour there was silence-with exception of Voldemort's ridiculous chopping. Honestly it's the most annoying thing in the world to eat with the person next chopping like a beaver, thought Snape. If I didn't already know that Voldemort was a half-blood, I would've known that he wasn't a pureblood by his atrocious table manners! All of that "vast" knowledge of magic and he doesn't even know how the cast the simple charm to prevent the noise from chopping and the clattering of silverware?

"I want to attack in the middle of the speech that Dumbledore will have our esteemed Boy-Who-Lived-Only-Because-I-Let-Him reading," said Voldemort, finally taking a break from his meal.

Politely Snape put down his fork and knife, wiped his mouth, and rose his original standing position. "But my Lord, they will have protection. There will be bodyguard at every entrance! Can we afford to lose more people, especially now that everyone knows that you're back?"

"Tosh Barty. You worry about the simplest problems. We will have our contact within the ministry know that we need passes into this grand ministry event that they have forgotten our invitation to." Eyes glinting evilly, Voldemort laughed at his own pitiful joke in his infamous high-pitched laughter.

Weakly, Snape chuckled along with the Dark Lord. He's amused. That's one good sign. Maybe he'll tell me for real who his contact is, thought Snape.

"Who is that contact, my Lord? Is he trustworthy?"

"As if I would stoop so low as to tell you who my contact is," Voldemort stopped laughing and frowned. "I made that mistake once. Everone knew more people than he or she needed to know." He was obviously remembering when Igor Karkaroff eagerly ratted out his fellow Death Eaters for a chance to escape Azkaban prison.

"My Lord, I am not such a traitor as he," said Snape while inwardly laughing at the irony in his head. He was a bigger traitor than Karkaroff could ever hope to be.

Voldemort smiled, reached out, and petted Crouch's wispy reddish-blonde hair as if he were a beloved dog. "I want to catch Serverus Snape. That slippery snake has eluded me for far too long for my taste. And he is required to go to Potter ceremony for the Order of Merlin."

Snape could not hold it in any longer. He burst out laughing before he could feel the horror of what he'd done. Laughing in the most terrifying Dark Lord's presence without his permission? Unheard of! But the irony was simply too much for even him to handle. He was planning his own death sentence with a monster who thought of him as a beloved pet and faithful servant.

Voldemort frowned. "And just what the hell is so funny? Let me tell you something now, Crouch, if I fail to see Snape dead in my chamber the night of that ceremony, _you_ will pay."

Crouch, or Snape rather, blanched. This was a predicament indeed. How to plan one's own death without being caught by the person you are spying on and without getting punished terribly.

Hastily, although with bits of his amusement making it way through his face, Snape said, "I meant no disrespect Master. I only laughed at the idea of Snape's look of suprise at being caught…he always did think himself above the rest even while in Hogwarts."

At that Voldemort laughed. "Then I will give you the honor of first torture." And with that he waved his wand and there were oompa loopas singing and dancing to 'Let's Get It Started' by Black Eyed Peas. For a Muggle-hater, thought Snape, Voldemort sure does seem to be a huge fan of Muggle music as he and Voldemort began to plan the attack.

* * *

Albus Dumbledore was a troubled man. All his plans were foiling. First Harry wasn't going to be staying at the Dursleys in his depressed state and therefore be more suspectible to his will and judgement. Then Sirius was refusing to stay in the Order without a job to do for the Order. And _now _Harry and Sirius were both leaving his presence to do Merlin-knows-what at Merlin-knows-where. He sighed once again.

However, Dumbledore did not have long to dwell on the problems at hand for one angry wizard flew through the door as if Lord Voldemort himself were after him under pain of death. Dumbledore was surprised at who it was who came storming in, although he should not have been. Who was it you ask? Well of course it was our favorite werewolf, Remus Lupin.

"Albus, I know you're not going to tell me anyway but just for chance's sake I'm going to ask-what the hell happened with Harry and Sirius just now?"

Grimly Dumbledore replied, "You are correct for I will not answer. That is for Harry and Sirius to tell you if you should so choose. But they have ruined everything in their choices."

Remus scowled at Dumbledore's response. "What choice did they make. At the very least, you owe me an explanation of that."

Defeatedly Dumbledore said aloud his thoughts earlier before Remus's loud interruption, "Harry has left the Dursleys and isn't depressed anymore over Sirius' death. Therefore he is not as vulnerable and unwilling to hear and accept my good judgment. He failed to listen to me and instead has preferred to listen to Sirius' rather impromptu ideas. And _now _Harry and Sirius were both leaving to do Merlin-knows-what at Merlin-knows-where."

Remus laughed raggedly. "Is that all? And here I thought there was a real problem at hand. Like Harry not being willing to go through the process for his magical enhancement."

Dumbledore said nothing. Why oh why did they not understand? This ruins everything! Harry wasn't supposed to know about the magical enhancement process and now it was more likely than ever that he would figure it out. And judging by the way that Harry has been reacting to everything that has been going on around him lately, I doubt he will be pleased by a dramatic increase of magic which will bring him even more attention.

Remus, however, continued what he was saying. "I mean, its not as if you were so stupid as to not tell him that he was going to be going through this process. Especially when you know how much Harry hates to be not included in the decisions that are affecting him directly."

At Dumbledore's continued silence, Remus stopped. He had a dumbfounded look of complete and utter shock upon his face. If the situation weren't so serious and out of Dumbledore's control, Dumbledore would have laughed.

"You haven't told him yet? You promised that you would tell him the moment he arrived back at Grimmauld Place! Were you ever going to tell him? Was that ever in your head? That maybe Harry Potter might want to be involved and included in the discussions about his own freaking life!" Remus stopped ranting due to lack of breath.

Dumbledore sighed still not saying anything. It had simply been a crappy day and it would be best if all those who had an issue to take up with simply just said, or yelled, their piece so that he could get on with his life…maybe he would eat a whole bag a lemon drops-that always seemed to lighten up his day…

Taking another deep breath, Remus continued more softly, "You know what Dumebldore? I used to admire you. You were such a great wizard, loyal and true to the end of the reign of fear caused by Voldemort and his Death Eaters. But now I'm not so sure. I think that you've begun to see things in numbers and not in what they are-people, people with feelings…I'm not going through the process without Harry's full knowledge, Dumbledore. A So you had best get your act together because Harry's not even going to want to see you much less hear what you have to say judging by the way that he stormed out of this room a few minutes ago." Remus looked at Dumbledore for a few moments more before turning away slowly and walking out of the room as if in a daze. For who had ever dared to yell at Dumbledore and point out his faults in such an obvious way… and since when did it actually look as thought that Dumbledore was listening.

**End of Against All Odds, Dinner With Voldie and the Escape of the Spies Chapter 5**

* * *

It is summer break-finally! Luckily Dinner With Voldie and the Escape of the Spies only has a few chapters left-simply because I have a the concentration level of an amoeba and the determination to see things through of a lioness! So this is what you get as a result of those 2 qualities combined-an extremely short story. If you just so happened to be reading Musings and Heartbreak then be happy, hakuna matata, because I only have one more chapter to write where Sirius goes to Azkaban…much as I wish I could change it :sniff: 

Wishing you lots of laughter, love, and Harry Potter,

**wannabewitch610**

p.s. if you see that phrase written anywhere in publishing know that I wrote it first and Scholastic stole it from me when they read my essay on Why In Love Harry Potter and I have it copyrighted by Witches Incorporated Copyrighting Company (WICC) and many other "real" copyrighting companies!

And if you skipped my entire authors note-don't feel bad-I do it too sometimes! Just catch this last line and REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!


	6. Finally Free

**Dinner With Voldie and the Escape of the Spies 6**

**Finally Free**

**

* * *

**

**At the Ministry of Magic, Scene 1**

Fudge stormed into his office (again) and slammed the door. Where the hell did that Alice girl get off anyway, rejecting _him_? He was the Minister of Magic, voted Witch Weekly's fourth most influential wizard. It was out of 5, but who really cared anyway? He was _still_ the Minister of Magic, a position that Albus Dumbledore would never have- _He_ was stuck being the smelly Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Fudge laughed heartily, until he remembered that Dumbledore had been in the running for the position of Minister, and would have won if he hadn't rejected it in order to keep his position as Headmaster. _Blast!_ Dumbledore had won again, and this time he wasn't even playing.

_Damn these__bloody psychological one-upmanship games against Dumbledore I play in my head,_? thought Fudge.

Once again, Fudge had come to the shocking (but somehow unsurprising) realization that he was, and always would be, second to Albus Dumbledore. But he was _still _the Minister of Magic. And he could still do whatever he pleased. And everyone still had to listen to him.

That's right! I AM THE MINISTER OF MAGIC. AND YOU MUST DO WHAT I SAY! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME ? Fudge yelled out the door, startling a young Ministry of Magic intern that was passing in the hallway.

"Y-Yes M-Mr. Minister sir?

"NOW get me some warm butter beer! And in my special Mug?" shouted Fudge.

"But sir, you don't have a special mug"

"MAKE ME ONE!"

"Yes. Sir," stammered the intern, and hurried off down the corridor.

Bloody interns; always interrupting him. Why couldn't they ever do anything productive? They were always pointless, just wasting time.

_No wonder nothing ever gets done around here, _thought Fudge.

And then there was the matter of Harry Potter and that damned Order of Merlin ceremony. He had to get ready to present Harry Potter with the Order of Merlin, First Class.

_Disgusting, absolutely disgusting_, Fudge sneered. The highest honor a wizard could possibly receive would be awarded to a fifteen year old boy who could barely even produce enough facial hair to make a hairpiece for a pixie.

Fudge couldn't deny that the boy had talent. Anybody could see that the Potter boy was destined to be almost as great as Dumbledore himself, if not greater.

_But why is he have to be better than meeeee,_ Fudge whined to himself. _It's just not faiiiiiirrrrr._

Fudge threw himself into his chair. _Where was that intern with that butterbeer? It was taking him bloody long enough. _

Looking up, he saw a shadow lurking in the corridor.

_Bloody interns always wasting time!_ thought Fudge.

"Now listen hear! You had best come along with that butterbeer. You think you have a future in the Ministry of Magic! Ha! I have the power to make or break you. You would be nothing here without me. Do you know what I can do to you? I possess powers you could never hope to imagine in you wildest dreams!"

"The question is, my good sir-" leered a cold high voice from the doorway, "do you know what _I_ can do to _you?"_

Startled, Fudge sat back in his chair. Who would have the ordacity to speak to him in that manner?

"Now see hear, you little ingreat. Show yourself this instant!"

"Ah yes. It seems in my current state of agitation, I have forgotten to introduce myself, as we have never been formally presented. Yes, I must observe the niceties."

Fudge looked around for the processor of the seemingly disembodied voice frantically. Was it You-Know-Whom or as he had called him in the newpaper, Lord Thingy? Ooh, he was so going to pay for that! Why didn't he just say You-Know –Who like everyone else?

Fudge's heart nearly stopped. " H- He- who- m- Must- not -be n-named!" he stammered out hoping against hope that somehow it wasn't him.

"My dear sir, while I do enjoy your abject horror at the sight of me, such formality before death in hardly necessary. I much prefer Voldemort, as it is the name I have given myself. However, if you wish to be so cordial, _Lord _Voldemort will be sufficient."

Fudge sat frozen in his chair, whimpering softly.

"Out of all of these ministers, Fudge, you have definitely been the stupidest, not to mention the least competent. Not that I minded of course. It has previously been that your incompetence and sheer lack of magical skill has worked in my favor… until recently, that is"

Voldemort's voice came closer so that it seemed as though Fudge where speaking with a live Voldemort face-to-face.

"It seems that as soon as I returned to power, you and you little Ministry of Magic have been getting in my way. Frankly Fudge, you have become nuisance. And also quite frankly, Fudge, I hate nuisances. And do you know why I hate nuisances, Fudge?"

Fudge stared wordlessly into Voldemort's slanted eyes.

"Because they annoy me. And I don't like to be annoyed. You and your Ministry have been making my comeback most complicated. Your incompetence is causing me problems, Fudge. And I don't like it. But then again, this isn't the first time that an individual has had to take the fall for your incompetence, is it, Fudge? I'm sure you remember Sirius Black."

Fudge shuddered at the mention of Black's name. Black's death had been a fatal blunder on the part of the Ministry.

"My point is, Fudge, that it would serve you best to stay out of my way in the future. You and the Potter boy scum. Now I understand that you are presenting Potter with an award tonight."

Again Fudge said nothing.

Voldemort heaved an exasperated sigh.

"Your lack of participation in our conversation is exhausting, Fudge. Ever since I arrived, our conversation has been terribly one-sided. It is most impolite not to respond to someone who is speaking to you. Perhaps I should remind you not to forget your manners again?"

Again, Fudge was silently fuming yet desperately terrified. He still had no clue where the voice was coming from!

"Now I hope that we will not have to go through any grueling tutoring classes on how to be polite. As many of my torturees can tell you, it is most painful nad involves several Cruciatus'. Now are you willing to speak?"

Fudge gasped for breath, but said nothing.

"Very well. Then. I you leave me no choice. My visit here has been most unenjoyable, Fudge. I must say you were very uncooperative. However, it would be beneath me to kill a disgusting excuse for a pureblood like you, not to mention pointless. I would much rather leave you to the mercy of my numerous assistants," sneered Voldemort. "Good day, my dear Minister."

With a high, cold laugh, Voldemort's voice retreated from the desk just as mysteriously as it had come.

Fudge sat in shock for 10 minutes straight. Then shaking himself, he thought, _It was just a dream. After all, You-Know-Who come and talk to me without me being able to see him? It's impossible. C'est impossible!_

With that he bumbled around his office (trying to convince himself that it was a dream, no doubt), opened the door, and began to welcome in the people. As the room filled, he spotted Harry Potter, accompanied by that werewolf that Dumbledore had let teach at his school, followed closely by Albus Dumbledore himself.

He motioned toward them, trying to get them to hurry up. He wanted to go get this over with so he could spend the rest of the day the spa-he'd been working too hard lately. Who knew that running a country actually took effort?

However, Cornelius Fudge was in for a mighty surprise. A large amount of scream were let loose in the air as soon as Harry Potter began his speech with a, "Thank you, Minister Fudge for allowing me to accept this prestigious award…"

Luckily for the Minister, Albus Dumbledore as well as several top-notch Aurors, was there to control the wreckage caused by those damn creatures who call themselves human, otherwise known as Death Eaters.

**

* * *

**

**Back to the Past Before Attack Begins**

As the room filled with people Voldemort turned to his Death Eaters, Voldemort turned to his Death Eaters for a pre-attack prep. They were a group of about ten Deathie wannabes. Voldemort had merely planned this attack as a "terrorizer" with its main purpose to terrorize the wizarding world. No big deal. No massive death toll, although in his sick mind that would be a plus.

"Alright you know what to do. This is your chance, your only chance. Do not fail me or you will die. Remember at this point you are the expendable newbies. Show no mercy. And yes, some of you will die in the process, but that is a price I am willing to make. Now attack!"

The Death Eaters began to run into the depths of the crowd, but before they could take three steps they heard their new Lord and Master call them back.

"Wait! Just a second." Turning slowly they saw Voldemort quickly fastening on chakram

"Master, what is that?" asked a particularly brave yet stupid Death Eater.

"What does it look like?" asked Voldemort right back with a rude are-you-stupid tone of voice." It's a chakram. That warrior princess, Xena, I believe her name was, used to use this in her many escapades fighting against the Greek gods and goddesses. It inspired fear into her enemies."

"Oh," replied all the Death Eaters as a unit.

"Well? What are you waiting for? Attack!" Just as before, however, the Death Eater began running with an eager look at the thought of killing poor innocent witches and wizards only to be stopped again by their Master.

"Hold it! Just a minute longer," cried Voldemort.

Once again but slightly annoyed rather than surprise this time, the Death Eaters turned to face their leader. This time they were all shocked into silence. Not even the most courageous of the newbie Death Eaters could question Voldemort this time! Voldemort had conjured a tube of black paint and was pouring chunks of the icky clunky paint into the palm of his hand. Nothing short of stupefied, the Death Eaters watched as Voldemort placed streaks pf black paint on his facial checks. Had they known anything about the Muggle world, they would have known that this was a popular ancient custom of Muggle armies, Native Americans in particular, used for a variety of reasons.

"What are you looking at now? Its just some paint to make me look more evil than I already am is all. Nothing special, now attack!"

Personally none of the Death Eaters saw any reason at all for Voldemort to make himself look more evil. Where were you when he was described earlier as a Snake-human Animorph? But in any event, all the Death Eaters dove off into the crowd just looking for someone to kill.

"Just a second longer."

This time nobody could contain their displeasure. Sighing audibly as a group, they turned around.

"What now?" demanded the same brave, yet obviously mentally slow Death Eater. All the other Death Eaters huddled together and pointing at the other lesser known McNair twin went "oooh." Life within Voldemort ranks was like a dictatorship-e could be rude and toture you all he liked but never ever should you retaliate, especially not in his presence!

"How dare you question me!" screeched Voldemort. And what was the very stupid Death Eater's response? Why the great fool merely clamped his hands to his ears to block out the sound. Now everyone who's had a parent knows that now matter what happens, you absolutely do _not _try to block out your chastisement. So it was no surprise that the only thing everyone could think was? What the hell is this man doing?

Voldemort's already snakelike red eyes squinted with anger. "I think its time for a little torture session," he said in a voice cold enough to turn boiling hot water into ice in a matter of seconds.

Ten minutes later, as Harry was being called up to the platform, the Death Eaters wobbled to stand having survived Voldemort's torture session. Thank Morgana that they had a Notice-Me-Not charm on them this whole time! It would have been seriously embarrassing to have everyone know what being a Death Eater meant and that life as a Death Eater was far from glamorous.

"Now I was you to attack and I was no problems either. Leave my presence _now_!"

Finally the attack on the Ministry of Magic began. People began flailing their arms and wands uselessly and screaming. It was utter chaos, a Death Eater's dream. _And of course, what's a dream without a little background music?_ thought Voldemort. He waved his wand and "Let's Get It Started" by the Black Eyed Peas began playing. _Muggles really knew their music didn't they?_

**

* * *

**

**Continuing the Scene 1, At the Ministry of Magic**

Harry stepped up to the now-clean and Death Eater-free platform.

"Are there any more rude disturbances?" he called out slightly nervous from the sheer numbers of witches and wizards who had turned up to hear his speech. At the few laughs his feeble joke inspired, Harry continued his well-planned speech.

"Good. I would like to thank all of you for coming here today. Today I am here to receive one of the highest honors in the wizarding world, the Order of Merlin. Our dear Minister Fudge has deemed me worthy of receiving this honor." Harry placed so much sarcasm on the 'dear Minister Fudge' part that the crowd before him broke out in titters. Was there some kind of problem with Minister Fudge? Didn't Fudge say right before Voldemort came in that he and Harry were on the best of terms lately?

"However, I do not believe that I am worthy of such an honor. I've had help every step of the way." Again the crowd began to murmur with bewilderment. What was going on? He was Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived for crying out loud! He's been worthy of the Order of Merlin practically since his birth!

"You have all heard, I am sure, why I am being awarded this medal, this badge of honor. I captured 10 or so Death Eaters who shouldn't have escaped from Azkaban to begin with. Or at least that is what you've been told. That is not, however what happened." The crowd gasped. "I helped capture the Death Eaters with help from my friends who should be up here with me accepting this award. These people are Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley, Ginny Weasley, Neville Longbottom, and Sirius Black."

Without even waiting for the crowd to being its angry screams of 'traitor!' Harry continued quickly. "Sirius Black is an innocent man. He never killed those Muggles and Peter Pettigrew. He was framed for it by Peter Pettigrew who was an unregistered animagus in the shape of a rat. And our Minister of Magic, here, thought that since all the evidence pointed towards Sirius being guilty, that Sirius would not have a trial. You know Fudge, there is a reason why people say 'innocent until proven guilty,'" said Harry while smirking at Fudge who was now positively shaking in his wee lil' bootsies. The whole crowd was either glaring at Fudge or floundering uselessly in confusion.

"But anyway, I guess that I will accept this award today. But not for myself, I'm accepting it for those who were lost and for all those who are still fighting. I will accept this award on behalf of my parents, Sirius, and the countless others where have given themselves in sacrifice to save all of you who stand before me. I will accept this award for all of those who are willing to sacrifice themselves and are possibly fighting even as we speak so that we all might live another day in peace. Thank you."

Harry then stepped off the platform. There he was attacked by Fudge who had retreated to the back of the stage. Fudge had flown onto Harry, practically mauling him, throttling him and shaking him at the same time.

"How dare you?" He screeched. "I put my heart and soul into this career, and now you sunk it faster than the Knight Bus!" He pounded Harry's head against the wall at each word. It was a while longer before, Harry managed to escape from being practically underneath Fudge's massive body.

Rasping horribly, Harry said, "Don't you dare try to blame me for telling the truth Fudge! If you had done things right in the beginning, then you wouldn't have a problem now, would you? You know what the say-you're' actions in the past will haunt you forever!"

"Stupefy" cried Remus.

"Nice one," said Harry to Remus, stepping over Fudge. "What took you so long."

"Well, I had to make it through all the pandemonium that you left behind, ever so carelessly I might add. That's just the sort of thing that James would've done," said Remus in such a way that one could tell that he was quite proud of Harry.

Harry glanced behind him and saw all the witches and wizards clamoring to the platform to ask Harry questions of every kind.

"Do you have a girlfriend, Mr. Potter?"

"Would you consent to an interview, Harry?"

"Could we have a quote, Harry? Just one, for the readers"

He shook his head. Some people never learn, he thought as he turned back toward Remus. "Let's go home," he stated simply, grabbing hold of the portkey made to take them back to their new suburban home in Duluth.

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**The Last Supper**

Once again Voldemort sat down to dinner after a failed attack. This time it was with one unfortunate Death Eater by the name of Kingsley Shacklebolt. However, unlike all other "happy"-that is to say the Death Eaters were never exactly happy in Voldemort's presence- dinner Voldemort was not pleased.

The attack on the Ministry of Magic, so carefully planned, far from terrorizing the people, had failed miserably. The Aurors had begun shooting spells amost as soon as the Death Eaters had begun killing. Oh sure, they had had time to torture several people, but there were very few kills. Very disappointing in Voldemort point of view, as it would be to anybody who was leader of a legion of evil doing and evil-intentioned creatures.

And he, Voldemort, knew why the attack had failed-there was another spy in his ranks. _How did this happen? I thought I was free of those foul betraying cockroaches! Woe is me. Oh well, let's get rid of him_, thought Voldemort

"My lord?" questioned Kingsley quietly. Voldemort was not attacking his food with his usual vigor-a tell tale sign that the Dark Lord was upset or angry about something. Voldemort frowned at Kingsley's interruption of his thoughts. Apparently I was right, thought Kingsley.

"Oh Kingsley, " began Voldemort in a sickeningly sweet voide not unlike Peeves the Poltergeist's when he was at his life's work of pranking the poor Hogwarts student. "There was something rather odd about the attack on the Minstry of Magic."

"Odd" replied Kingsley. "I did not see-"

"The Aurors reacted rater quickly, wouldn't you say?And they seemed to know exactly where our Death Eaters were too. Almost as if trhey knew exactly where to go and who to attack…" Voldemort left his unsaid words hang in the air before continuing, "Think carefully how you respond Shacklebolt, for these next words may well be your last on this earth."

Like a kid caught opening his Christmas presents a week advance, Kingsley gulped audibly before speaking. Should he stick to his story or not?-that was the question.

"My Lord, I did not think that the Aurors reacted any differently than-"

"Shacklebolt, your mind speaks more true than your words have ever done in your entire life. But no matter," said Voldemort thoroughly nipping Kingsley's reply in the bud.

"Shi-" was all that Kingsley was able to get out before a curse was sent flying through the air. The Cruciatus.

An hour later the food was cold. Voldemort was lazily reviving Kingsley while eating a wonderfully delicious cold pancake.

"Now, you pathetic creature, get up and leave my presence. And tell Dumbledore not to send any more of his stupid spies. And that as much as I love having a little bit of entertainment from torturing you, this must 'have a spy' thing must stop. It's getting old. Next spy I catch will be Nagini's next meal-and that's if I'm in a good mood."

Groggily Kingsley nodded, not feeling anough energy to even think of any smart comments. He promptly apparated away, hoping that he didn't splinch himself in the process.

With the traitor gone, Voldemort slouched back in his seat sighing. He was getting old, it was time for total world domination and to kill that Potter brat who had defied him for far too long.

Suddenly the door to the dining chamber swung open. In stepped a sprightly, tall young man with thick black hair and blue eyes. Bowing deeply and elegantly, the man said, "Lord Voldemort, my name is Walpurgis MacNair, twin brother of Walden MacNair and brother of Alice McColl, your faithful servants. I have come to you to ask that you allow me to serve you and assist you in any way that I possibly can."

_Finally_, thought Voldemort, _there is a man who looks like he might be worthwhile_. He conjured a book and tossed it to Walpurgis MacNair. He said, "Life as a Death Eater will be tough, before you commit yourself, read this book. And I warn you, you had better know everything in it including the tblae of contents. And then I will want you to be able to tell me, or my head Death Eater rather because I am too important, what your favorite lines were and why, the theme, and be able to answer any question without a moments blink."

The man looked at the book in front of him. It was titled _So You Wanna Be A Death Eater_, a novel by the Dark Lord Voldemort. This was most certainly a change from the last time he had joined the Death Eater ranks. Things would certainly be interesting this time 'round.

"Be gone," said Voldemort dismissively.

The man turned around to walk out the door to apparate out. But before the man could apparate away, Voldemort could have sworn that he saw the most insolent of winks. _Could it be another spy? Nah_, he determined, dismissing it from his evil mind. Little did he know, it was another spy, The Great Sirius Black who was determined this time, to make this spy job work. And yes, the capital T in "the" is required.

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**Final Conclusion to Dinner With Voldie and the Escape of the Spies**

Slowly Harry walked into a dark room. "Now you have seen and experienced a Dinner with Lord Voldemort." Lord Voldemort then walked into the room. "And now you have seen the escape of the spies, "he said scowling. Sirius and Remus walked in together next. "This is the end of this tale. We hope that you enjoyed it." Finally Dumbledore walked into and joined hands with the rest." We also beg you to remember that this is just yet another nonsensical fanfiction story created by yet another wild, crazy, and disorganized mind."

As a unit at the end of the tale, Harry, Voldemort, Sirius, Remus, and Dumbledore lifted their hands and bowed saying, "Now we hope you will give our author one heck you a review because Merlin knows she deserves it after finishing our peculiar tale with very little encouragement! Thank you and good night. We hope to see you soon."

The lights dimmed and the curtains fell, as crowd goes wild at this authors completion of her first ever fanfic!

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**LAST AND FINAL AUTHOR'S NOTE :tear:**

That's the end of Dinner With Voldie and the Escape of the Spies…period.

Once again: if you liked my story, would you please review? And if you hated my story, would you please review? And if you thought my story was stupid, would you please review? Oh and by the way, if you don't review, I will know that you've been to see my story because there's this new thing on that let's me know who's visited my story, so since I know you've made it this far, would you please review? PLEASE review and visit my author profile. It's got something very important to say to heavy fanfictioners!

Wishing you lots of laughter, love, and Harry Potter,

wannabewitch610


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